i don't want to be me anymore

In the stillness of the night, hearing distant words,

reflections whisper with the emotions they store.

I try and make out the words;

"I don't want to be me anymore."

I want to fall down like droplets from the clouds,

I want to feel the rain wash out my face,

I want to feel the wet muddy smell,

growing around and taking me in its embrace.

I want to be an emigrating bird,

leaving behind everything she once held dear,

leaving behind the hell now known as mankind,

as she lets go of her expectations and fear.

I want to be a word in a poem,

a word written to voice unsaid thoughts,

a word they all long to be able to express,

transforming the butterflies in my stomach to knots.

I want to be a mirrorball in a dancefloor,

spinning as if nothing else matters.

The source of light for everyone,

shining brightly even though she's shattered.

I know I'm still a believer, but I don't know why,

have never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try.

For if I stop trying,

shrug off their words, and see.

Would I be any one of these great things?

And would I finally want to be me? 

                                                                              - Ojasvi Dutta